


A Reason to Love.

by queen_tommo, zistysfosgerald



Category: Black Veil Brides, Falling in Reverse, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Drama, Drunk Spanking, M/M, Non-Consensual Spanking, Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 20:23:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3909400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_tommo/pseuds/queen_tommo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zistysfosgerald/pseuds/zistysfosgerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kellin is in total and complete love with Ashley.</p><p>Ashley denies liking Kellin at all.</p><p>Ronnie may or may not have a stupid crush on Mike.</p><p>Mike likes to use that "secret" crush to his advantage.</p><p>[ashley purdy x kellin quinn | ronnie radke x mike fuentes | slash | collab between BringMeTheFuentes and heroes. | title credit: reason to love - our last night]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. put on a show

"I'm the only one who knows the secret places that the lights don't show, you know..."

I love playing this song. It gives me an excuse to put on a show. Of course I give my all in every song we play, but this one, this one allows me to sway my hips and, well, put on a show.

We don't play the song often, but God, when we do, it's the best time of my life.

"Take back, I'll take back those things that I've said..."

I'm not one to do any sort of strip teases or play up any major antics on stage, honestly. I save most of the games and sexual antics for when I'm on stage with Pierce the Veil, doing guest vocals and singing underneath Vic, my best friend. But right now? Right now I have to give it my all, because I can see him from the side of the stage, watching with a little smirk of amusement.

Ashley Purdy.

The bassist of Black Veil Brides, the thief of my heart. One of the alleged manwhores on tour, I don't think Ashley can do any wrong. He's hot, he's nice, he's just...ugh.

I pretend like I don't see him at all, like this is just another show. I keep singing, not exactly able to pull my shirt off or anything because of the microphone in my hand. But I treat that mic stand like a pole, wrapping my hands around it and sliding up and down, my crotch against the metal and my bottom lip between my teeth.

The crowd probably thinks I'm drunk or something. I don't do this on stage. This'll be on YouTube in the next hour or two: lol kellin quinn super drunk!!! Don't worry, guys, I know exactly what I'm doing. My head is clear and my vision is straight and my goal is Ashley - or at least Ashley's reaction.

The song ends after what feels like seconds, and with that ends our set. I'm fucking drenched in sweat and I feel disgusting, but I feel good. It's proof of a good show, I think. A quick glance at Ashley at the side and he's still staring. Perfect. I kick the mic stand to the floor, breathing heavily.

"It's hot as fuck out here," I breathe, a sly smile on my face. I hope Ashley's still looking. I drop the microphone and slowly, slowly pull my shirt off, which gets the fans freaking out. I don't exactly know why, because my body isn't exactly impressive. But hey, whatever makes them happy (and makes Ashley react). I pick the microphone back up, tossing my shirt away. "I'd slide off my pants but one, it's so hot I think they're stuck, and two, it may possibly be illegal."

More cheers. I take another look at Ashley, who is just looking dumbfounded. He's so incredibly...ugh. I wink at him and lick my lips, praying I look seductive. I don't know, Vic says I can look like a little kid. I really hope I don't look like a little kid.

After I let the crowd know how amazing they all are - they really are - and how thankful I am to have performed for them, I'm off stage and barraged by questions and comments from my bandmates. Gabe looks concerned, sticking his drumsticks in his pocket and asking, "Kells, are you sober?"  
"Of course I am, Barham. Why d'you ask?"  
"Because you were actin' like a stripper up there, dude. Hot as it may have been, you don't normally do that," Justin says, grinning when he calls my actions hot. Thank God they were hot. "Why?"

I shrug, looking at the far end of backstage to find Ashley making his way towards us in that calm, cool strut he always has. One thing I know, I'll never be as hot as that. But I'd love to be with something as hot as that. I'd kill to be with Ashley.

"Well, he's coming right to us," I say, discreetly pointing at Ashley's nearing form. The guys all chorus in an understanding, "Ohhhh," and Jesse even laughs and claps for me, the idiot.

Then Ashley is right in front of us, right in front of me. He has all of his war paint on, from his face to his chest. I wonder how long it takes him to put all of that on. It's a little less than when his band first started out, but still, it's just perfect. It compliments his perfection - oh goddammit, I sound like an idiot.

"So, you guys did really good on stage," he says as he folds his arms over his bare chest. He doesn't wear a shirt very often, especially when we're on Warped. It's a blessing.  
"Thanks, though I doubt anyone was paying any attention to the rest of us once Kellin became an exotic dancer," Jack says, taking off his sunglasses. For a moment, I get bashful enough to want to bash his guitar over his head. Then I pause and think.

Bashfulness doesn't get the guy.

Confidence does.

"I noticed that," Ashley comments, glancing at me with a little smirk. Hot. "What was that about? I've seen you guys enough times to know you don't always ride the mic stand."

He's watched us before?

He's watched us before!

I wonder if he liked us. I wonder if he thought I was any good.

"Well, I just wanted to catch a certain someone's attention," is what I respond with, stepping close to the taller man and tugging on his sleeveless leather vest. He looks a little nervous at my sudden close proximity. "I wonder if it worked." Ashley backs up some, causing me to let go of his vest. I take a hold of his necklace, the one with the star that he wears every day without fail. "Did it work, Ashes? Did you notice?"

He shakes his head, pushing my arm away. This happens a lot; I'll flirt with him or whatever and he acts like he's not interested. He's definitely interested. I hope he is. Deep down.

"No, I--Look, I gotta go. Rein in your touchy-feely bandmate, okay?" He directs this at the rest of Sleeping With Sirens, frowning a little. He starts to walk away and I ditch my band to go and grab his hand, keeping him in place. "Kellin."  
"Yes, sir?"  
"We're friends."  
"Never said we weren't."

He groans and snatches his hand out of mine, so I just tug on his vest again.

"I don't like you like that."  
"Never said you did."

I let myself laugh a little when Ashley rolls his eyes, trying to ease the mood somewhat. He's kind of scary when he's angry, so I don't want to push him to the edge. I just want to push him to the edge of the edge.

"So back off."  
"C'mon, Ashes, I'm just messing with you."

He doesn't look like he believes me, but he does lighten up a little. I mean, he stops frowning, anyway. He chuckles, like he's mature and wise beyond his years and I'm a first grader. He even fucking ruffles my hair like I'm a kid, and I wonder if every time I try and flirt with him, I really do like a little kid who is trying too hard to be a big boy.

Goddammit, I hope not.

"Oh, I know. There's no way you'd have a chance," he jokes, grinning. Now I'm pushing his hand away, his fingers out of my hair.  
"I have more of a chance than you think, Ashes. In fact, I think your dick knows it before your brain does."

In a moment of slight panic, he looks down to see whether or not he really does have a bulge in those skintight leather pants. I know it's just my words getting to him, because he would have to know when he's getting a boner. It isn't something you miss. Of course, when he sees he's fine, he scoffs and shoves me lightly, turning away.

"I have to get ready for my own set, Quinn. Go hang on someone else," he says with an air of playfulness. Then he's gone.

He doesn't seem to get it (or maybe he does and he's just being an asshole). I only want to hang on him, bug him, tease and taunt him. I only want him.

I turn back to my band, feeling a little rejected. I always feel rejected when I talk to Ashley. Still, I keep coming back. I can't stand how much I've fallen for him sometimes.

"Denied!" Jesse hollers, cackling with Jack and Justin. Idiots.  
"Shut up, you asshole," I mumble. Gabe puts his arm around my shoulder and starts to take me away from them, which is good. I know they're joking, but maybe I don't wanna hear how I get denied each and every time. Maybe I want them to shut up.

"Ignore them, Kells," Gabe says. He's always been a bit of a softy. It's good, though. There has to be at least one sensitive one here. "You'll get Ashley one day, don't worry about it."  
"I guess. It's just-It's taking so long!"  
"Because you're impatient and restless, dude. Tour just started. Relax."

He's right. I have time to make Ashley realize that (hopefully) deep down, he totally likes me back. I mean, a man can dream. I lean into him and I feel like a little kid, dammit, because I want to cling to Gabe forever and stay away from big mean kids like Jesse and Jack and Justin and stay away from cocky popular kids like Ashley fucking Purdy.

"Yeah, 'kay."  
"I already know you're planning on it, and you have some time before you gotta get to PTV, so I will accompany you to BVB's set for moral support."  
"Aw, thanks, Gabe!"

I wrap my arms around my teddy bear of a drummer and decide that he's the best person around. Screw the other guys. Sleeping With Sirens runs on Gabe and myself now, until they make it up to me with Mountain Dew and begging and shit.

With that, we head to the stage Black Veil Brides is set to perform on. I'm practically bouncing the whole way, and while holding onto Gabe, that is nearly impossible to do. I manage, however, and then we're there, standing in the back at the side so we have a perfect view of the band.

They have yet to start, but I can't wait. Ashley playing his bass and giving his all is one of the best things I can ever witness.

Also, one of the hottest.

Just saying.


	2. secrets

We come right to the end of practice, the noise in the room bouncing off the walls and echoing in my ears. We sound amazing.

Of course we sound amazing.

"I think we did pretty good," Vic says, barely hanging onto the cord of his microphone. My brother, always so modest. Why can he never just go around screaming about what an amazing vocalist and guitarist he is? I do it. I let everyone around know I'm the best damn drummer in town. "Right?"  
"We did fucking amazing, as always," I say with a cocky grin. Maybe my ego's too big for my own good. Oh, well. I'm just kidding around.

Usually.

I mean, we are pretty damn good.

"Mike's right. We owned every song. We're gonna own the stage. There is no question."

See, Jaime always has my back. He swings his bass around and holds onto the neck, grinning wide. There's nothing wrong with admitting you're amazing. Nothing at all. We high-five and Vic rolls his eyes, but smiles fondly at us like he's a proud father. My brother, I'll say it again.

"That was good," says Tony, taking a seat on the ground. He's breathing heavily and he looks exhausted; he definitely puts way more into these practices than the rest of us. I try at practice, sure, but the guys know I don't really go at it until we're on stage with all eyes on us. That's when it really matters, after all.

"Well, we got, like, an hour and a half until showtime. I'll see you faggots around," I announce. Of course, it's with love. Vic walks over just to shove me and say, "Don't say that." I roll my eyes and pinch his cheek and call him adorable, which he absolutely hates. As he's rubbing his cheek and cussing me out under his breath, I'm making my way away from the boys and looking for people to bother until it's curtains up.

Well, there are no curtains, but whatever.

The sun is shining down and it feels like the flames of Hell are biting at my skin. Holy shit, it's hot out here. I mean, I'm no stranger to heat - California sun and all - but I'm allowed to complain when I want. I twist my snapback around to the front, because with it sitting backwards, the amount of sun in my face is, like, insane.

I keep walking, wishing I took my (Vic's) skateboard from the bus so I didn't have to use so much energy. But, if I was skateboarding, I think I would have missed this golden opportunity to screw with a one Ronnie Radke.

I see him standing near a bus - I guess it's his, I don't know, it doesn't matter - talking to his bandmate, Ryan. Ryan is laughing so damned loud, but he's always loud, so it's not surprising, just a little annoying. He's like the Falling in Reverse equivalent to our Jaime.

Like any other person, I am really curious to hear what they're talking about. What if they're talking about something really interesting? What if they're talking about someone I know? Exactly. So I hide behind the bus and start listening in - only to make sure they aren't, like, dissing somebody behind their backs, of course.

I'm a good person, swear.

"Aww, Ronnie has a crush! Haha, aw! It's like we're back in high school!" I hear Ryan squeal. I can imagine him jumping around like an idiot. I quickly glance around the corner and sure enough, Ryan is jumping up and down and poking Ronnie's muscled arm and laughing. Ronnie looks tired, nudging Ryan back with his elbow. I hurry up and hide again, just in case they suddenly turn to me.

"Shut up, man. You're so loud."  
"No one's around, Ronnie. It's safe."  
"A wide-open parking lot is safe? You must've hit your head way too hard this morning."

Safe, my ass. At least Ronnie has some sense. I hope Ryan is able to keep him talking, though, because now I'm curious. Who does Ronnie, the guy who swore off liking anyone after his last disaster of a relationship, have a crush on?

"Shush. It's fine, it's fine. So tell me, who is it? Huh?"

Ryan doesn't shut up, either. When Ronnie refuses to say anything, he starts whining, "Tell me, tell me, tell me!" and I bet he's shaking Ronnie and bugging the hell out of him. I take a quick peek and once again, I'm right. Ryan is shaking Ronnie by his shoulders and jumping and begging.

Ronnie groans and moves away from his pesky drummer, and that's when I hide again.

"If I tell you," he pauses, probably to look around. Missed me. "If I tell you, will you shut up?"  
"Yes, yes I will."  
"Fine."

Then his voice drops and I have to listen really hard, but I'm sure it's worth it. I quickly try and think of some of the girls on the tour, but before my brain starts working, I hear him.

"It's...ugh, fuck. It's Mike."  
"Mike...? You don't mean? Oh, ohhh, Mike Fuentes!"

Of course, Ryan is whispering, too, but not good enough. Ronnie hisses, "Shut the fuck up!" but no, it's too late. I almost want to laugh. I can't believe it, this doesn't seem real. Ronnie has a crush on me? This has got to be some fucking joke. No way in Hell, right?

Hah.

"But, dude, he's kinda a dick."  
"I know, but..."

Whoa. Hey. I am definitely not a dick.

Whatever. If I interrupt them to tell them that, they'll know I was listening. But hey, that's what dicks do, right? Eavesdrop. And we eavesdrop damn good. At least I do.

I start walking away, pulling out a cigarette from the pack in my pocket and lighting it. I shake my head at the thought of Ronnie and Ryan thinking they're being so private, so secretive.

They would've been if I wasn't around.

Ronnie likes me. Ronnie has a crush on me. Never would've thought. Lots of people have crushes on me, yes, but Ronnie? Wow. Here I was thinking the guy was into girls. I make it back to my bus after ten minutes of strolling and another cigarette. The only person on the bus is Tony, and hell, I'm bursting at the seams to tell somebody. He's a good listener.

"Hey, Tone, guess what?" I sound like a teenage girl, but I could honestly care less. He looks up from the magazine on his lap and he doesn't look too interested. Wait until he hears this. I'll peak his fucking interest.  
"Yeah?"  
"Ronnie Radke has a crush."  
"Well, that's good for him, I guess."  
"No, Tony, listen. He has a crush on me."

He stops reading his stupid magazine then, his head shooting up. He looks shocked. Score one for me. He joins me on the floor, sitting on his knees, abandoning his magazine. Everyone loves a little gossip.

"How d'you know?" he asks, his hair falling into his face, masking his excitement.  
"I heard him talking to Ryan, his drummer? And he flat-out admitted that he had a crush on me. He has no idea I know."

Tony frowns a little, his oversized and overbearing conscious getting in the way of an incredible moment. He hums a little and says, "I dunno, Mike. You shouldn't tell anyone else."  
"Wasn't gonna, but why?"

I know damn well why. It's a secret.

"It's a secret, idiot. Why would he want that going everywhere?"  
"Oh, my sweet turtle. I know it's a secret. That's why I've told you and only you. You're good at keeping secrets, right?"

He sighs and shrugs, silently swearing himself to secrecy. I didn't have any doubts he would keep quiet about it. Tony isn't the kind of person to go blabbing shit. Me, I'm not, either. But I'm never turning down a good piece of information.

I laugh, probably looking a little insane to the poor, innocent guitarist in front of me. Tony gives me a wary look, scooting back an inch or two.

"Well, congrats on getting an admirer. Let me know if he leaves little notes and flowers and shit, okay?"

With a roll of my eyes, I get to my feet and start looking for food. I could very, very easily use this newfound info to my advantage. I could hold it over Ronnie's head, but how would I do that without letting him know I was listening? He'd kill me.

Oh, wait. I could always spill to the whole tour, the whole world that he's gay. That and he has a huge, dorky crush on me, Mike Fuentes.

I wouldn't do that, though. Only a dick would do that. Wait.

"But dude, he's kinda a dick."  
"I know, but..."

I am a dick, if Ronnie and Ryan - and sometimes other people - have anything to say about that.

I must have gotten lost in my not-so-nice thoughts, because all of a sudden I hear Tony go, "Stop your maniacal laughter, you damn weirdo." Whoops.


	3. he's just so... not normal.

As we got ready to play, Andy and Jinxx both gave me the look that said 'he's staring again.' I rolled my eyes as I tried not to look over at his direction. He's so... he's so not normal... but he's just so... cute. No you shut the fuck up Ashley, you straight. You like vagina. V-A-G-I-N-A not dick. Just V-A-G-I-N-A.

Sometimes I wish I can teach him a lesson for giving me these confused thoughts. He owes me big time, but the worst part about it is I can't talk to my band mates because they'll give me so much shit about it.

I will admit, Kellin's not that bad looking, but I wouldn't go for him if I did like dick. Let's just say, if I put a wig, a dress, and a thong on him, I'd fuck him. I am straight, not gay. 'Keep it together Ash.' I thought to myself as we started playing.

I gave it my all in every show, but in this one, I gave more than my all. I gave it my dick, and trust me, I love my dick more than anything. I think I was just showing off to Kellin since he did it to me earlier.

I could feel his stare, and it kind of gave me the chills. Oh, I cannot wait to get hammered. I need it, so I can escape Kellin, or pull him in. NO. Shut up Ashley. I like di- vagina! Caught myself there.

We just got done playing I Am Bulletproof (one of my favorites) and I bet you it's Kellin's favorite too. SHUT UP ASHLEY. I do not like Kellin like that, I never will. I wouldn't mind a small kiss. No. This is an outrage. I'm straight unlike Kellin, and I plan on being straight no matter what I do or think. The only one whose going to be touching, my dick, other than girls, me.

I looked up at Andy, who was bouncing around like usual, and I just glanced at Kellin. Our eyes conected, and I instantly looked away from him. Oh dear, I need a drink... and fast.


	4. bad feelings

I haven't seen Ashley since his set. I guess I haven't had time to really look for him, though, considering right after I got done watching him perform, Gabe snatched me up and pulled me to Pierce the Veil and their set up.

"Hey, Kells," Vic says, not looking at me. He's having trouble screwing his mic stand up, cursing when it topples over. "Goddammit!"  
"Need some help?" I offer, crouching down and holding it in place so he can twist it up.  
"Thanks. God, that gets harder every day."  
"Maybe you just suck at setting up."

Vic punches me in the arm, rolling his eyes as he adjusts the height of the stand. He turns his back towards me, giving me the perfect opportunity to jump on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

"Kells! You're not the smallest person," he gasps out, laughing.  
"Maybe you're just weak."  
"Maybe you should shut up."  
"Maybe you should make me."

That's when Tony comes and pulls me off of Vic, unhooking my limbs from around him and sitting me on the ground. He's so tall, Tony, that when I look up and he's standing over me, it's actually kind of intimidating. I quickly get to my feet and shoot him a smile, which he returns. Rubbing his toned and tattooed arm a little awkwardly, he says, "No time for flirting, guys. We've got a set to get ready. See, people are already standing around."

Sure enough, there are fans gathering around the stage, big smiles and bright eyes. It's adorable, amazing, even. I glance at Vic, who has stopped setting up to wave and address the fans.

"Set up," Tony says. He's a hypocrite, turning to wave as well. Cute.  
"Don't you guys have roadies who help you with this? 'Cause, y'know, that's what they do?" I ask as I watch Jaime bounce onto the stage and wire up his amp. I want to help, but shit, I don't know what I'm doing. I'd kill someone, or electrocute myself. Again.  
"Yeah," Jaime starts, running his hand through his fluffy porcupine hair. "We do, but..."  
"But Jaime lost a bet and here we are," Vic finishes up, scoffing.

Ten more minutes and everything is ready. All that's missing is Mike, the drummer boy. I'm backstage, and there's Vic and Jaime and Tony all in place. Finally, Mike hops up the ramp, high-fiving me and running to his spot behind the drums. Just need to wait for my cue, I guess.

As the lyrics to Bulletproof Love float through my ears, I start thinking. Ashley was incredible today during his set. He seemed to give his absolute everything, and I just can't forget how amazing he looked. He was so good, but I'll be damned if he wasn't totally flirting with the girls in the crowd the whole time.

But his eyes connected with mine. They did, they really did. He stared for a minute, and then he turned back. I caught Andy looking at me, too, but Andy is so hyperaware and everywhere that I doubt him looking at me really meant anything other than the fact that he was noticing I was there. I think Jake saw me, too, but hey, watching a fellow band perform is not a crime.

The next thing I know, I hear my cue. Showtime.

I run out into the stage, relishing in the eruption of cheers. There's nowhere I'd rather be (unless the other option was being with Ashley).

"You guys ready for this shit?!" I scream out, hopping into place beside Vic. When they screech in reply, I turn to Vic and put my arm around his waist. "Then let's go." I tap his ass lightly, just for my own amusement - and maybe to get some of those "Kellic" shippers riled up - before running and jumping onto a speaker. The guys say this will get me killed one day, but until then, I just think this will make me look taller.

Maybe up here, I look more powerful. Maybe up here, Ashley likes me more.

|&|&|

It's party time.

Every day after all the shows and most everyone has left, the bands and roadies and managers and everyone just parties. Crazy shit happens during some of these parties, I swear - wrestling matches and hook-ups, it all goes on.

I'm with Gabe, who seems uncomfortable. He's always had fun at parties, so why he looks so tense, I don't know.

"What's wrong, dude?" I ask, swinging his arm back and forth. He shrugs and says,  
"I dunno. I just feel like something bad's gonna happen."  
"Bad? Like what, murderer bad? Or you're-gonna-spill-your-drink-on-your-crotch bad?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, laughing at the levels of severity I gave him. Hey, they both seem pretty bad to me. He won't be laughing when he spills some liquor on his dick, I bet.

"I'm probably just paranoid," he says, dismissing his bad feeling. I agree, because Gabe is pretty paranoid sometimes. Everything's gonna be fine. I pat his shoulder in reassurance before swinging our arms again. "How old are you?"  
"As old as you want me to be," I joke with a wink. He scoffs and softly punches my shoulder, which I whine about for at least thirteen seconds.

"Hey, look who it is," Gabe says suddenly. He cuts my whining off and nods his head in the direction of a certain someone.  
"Ashley!"  
"Yep. You gonna go talk to him?"  
"Hell yeah, I am. I'll see you in a little while, okay?"

With that, I break away from Gabe and walk over to Ashley, trying to remain calm even though my heart wants to beat right through my chest. I want to seem cool, so I stuff my slightly shaky hands in my pocket and bite my lip as I stand behind him. Finally, I take a breath and say, "Hey, Outlaw," in a flirty tone.

Ashley turns, looking me up and down. His hand is wrapped tight around the neck of a bottle of whiskey and I can't tell if he's pissed or pleased to see me. His chocolate eyes are glassy and somewhat unfocused.

He's drunk off of his pretty ass.

"Kellin," he mutters after clearing his throat. He's hanging onto that whiskey. Seeing him with it just makes me want a drink myself, but I'm not walking away, not yet. Maybe drunk Ashley is a little more open to my advances. There's no way I'm really trying anything with him tonight, though. He's smashed.

"Hey, Ashley. What's up?"  
"Nothin'. I was thinkin' 'bout you, actually," he says lazily, jabbing a finger into my chest. I stumble back a little and shake off the roughness. He was thinking about me?  
"Yeah? What were you thinking about me for, huh? What did I do?"

I tug on his vest and I notice that he still has all his war paint on. It's sorta smudged, though. It's still hot.

"You?"

He pushes my hand away a little too harshly and grabs the front of my shirt, pulling me close, so close to his face. He smells like a fucking brewery, and he's just so drunk I feel like I'm getting intoxicated just because of the proximity I have to him.

"You were a bad boy," he whispers in my ear, and drunk or not, I shudder involuntarily. Goddamn. "You're making me question shit, Kellin, and I don't like that."  
"Oh? And what're you gonna do about it, Ashes?" I ask, looking into his clouded eyes. They seem darker now, less inviting than the warm brown that they usually are.  
"I'm gonna punish you, little boy. I'm gonna make you...make you regret pushing these thoughts into my head."

It's slurred, what he says, but I get the point. He's going to punish me? The words go right past my brain and straight to my dick. They don't register. I'm not scared. Ashley is being so forward and sexual and right now, it's hot as shit.

He lets go of my shirt and takes my arm, still being heavy-handed, and starts yanking me away from everyone. Okay. I glance back, wondering if Gabe is still around. There's no sign of him, though, or any of my bandmates. I see Vic, and since he knows all too well about my crush on Ashley, he gives me a thumbs-up before turning back around.

"How're you gonna punish me?" I ask, kinda turned on and kinda nervous.  
"You'll see."

That's all I get from him. He doesn't say anything else, just stumbles and drags me, pretty off balance from all the alcohol that's no doubt in his system. Apparently, our destination is a bus. It's probably his bus, because he has the key. He shoves me up the couple of steps and yanks me up when I trip. What the fuck is he being so rough for?

The bus sure as hell isn't empty. His bandmates are hanging around, all of them drunk and staring, but not staring. I choke on the cigarette smoke that drifts into my lungs, fanning some of it away. I would have thought it was from Andy, but then I see that he's fast asleep. He's actually snoring. It's not just the BVB boys in here, either. I see some of Falling in Reverse - Jacky and Derek - and Mike, who I'm surprised isn't partying with Vic and the rest of the guys. No, he's right here, his long legs stretched over the lap of CC, BVB's drummer. Must be some drummer connection.

"Kelly!" Mike shouts, thrusting his empty bottle of Jack in the air. "Hey, how ya doin'?"  
"Mike? Uh, hey."

Me talking to Mike seems to get Ashley's attention. He pulls me, causing my back to hit his bare chest.

"You're not here to talk to your friends," he slurs. "You're here to realize that you've been a bad little boy."

Little boy. Does he actually see me as a kid? Is he being hot? I don't know half of what's going on, and I'm sober!

Ashley pushes me forward, and before I can even try and grasp what the hell is happening, he's unbuttoning my skinnies and snatching them down. I squeal, not wanting my ass on display to these guys. What the fuck is he doing?!

"What're you doing? What the hell, Ashley?!" I snap, bending down to pull them back up. I'm stopped by him grabbing my shoulder way too tight, growling in my ear,  
"Get on your hands and knees."  
"What?"  
"Down, boy."

I'm scared now, but his stupid, rough voice is still pretty hot. Him talking to me like a dog isn't exactly sexy, though. It's kind of insulting. I slowly, carefully get down on my hands and knees, feeling my face burn in embarrassment. They're all staring, too drunk and stupid to realize that this is not normal and this should not be happening.

"You think you can fucking confuse me, Kellin?" he whispers, and I shiver. He gets down on his knees, looking so cold and lustful and I am less turned on, more afraid. Fear grows in the pit of my stomach and I quickly pray that Ashley doesn't do something as horrid as...well. "You think it's okay to act like that on stage? That performing gives you an excuse to be such a goddamn tease?"

Then, before I know it, a loud smack fills my ears and I yelp in pain. He just spanked me. He spanked me! My ass burns and I try not to focus on it so maybe it hurts less.

"Do you think you can just play with everybody? Huh?"

I shake my head, cringing. Now the stench of alcohol is too strong and Ashley is scaring me. I can chalk this up to him being drunk, but it doesn't mean I'm okay with it. I tense up, feeling it coming, and sure enough, his palm smacks my bare ass again and I whimper. I hear him chuckle lowly. How can I still think he sounds hot? "Answer me, Kellin."  
"No."  
"You mean, "No, sir," don't you, Kelly?" Mike giggles, enjoying this way too much. I can't believe they're all just watching this (or, in Andy's case, sleeping through it).  
"N-No, sir," I choke, shaking a little.  
"Someone has no respect," Jacky taunts, his glassy eyes glued to the scene like this is a porno. I wish I had gotten drunk. Maybe then, I'd enjoy this way more than I am. I'm not enjoying it at all, in case that was easy to miss. Fuck.

"He's right," Ashley murmurs. I take a risk and glance at him, biting my lip as I notice his boner. Oh my God, this is really turning him on.  
"You're a little more gay than you thought, Ashes," I say, wondering how much my smart mouth will get me in trouble. He chuckles darkly and then his hand comes down so swift and hard on my ass I scream out, "Fuck!"  
"Havin' fun, Kellin?" he asks, waiting for me to get over the horrible sting. I hiss and shake my head as he threads his fingers through my hair and tugs softly. One thing I love is hair pulling, but I'm too nervous to react like I normally would.

Another smack. I am getting spanked. I whimper again in complete disbelief. I get that people like this, hell, maybe I would like it if I asked, if I wanted it right now. But no, Ashley is piss drunk and cold and this is not what I want when I say I want to be with him.

I should have trusted Gabe's bad feeling. I should have hidden in the bus until the morning.

"Answer me, bad boy. Are you havin' fun?"

I'm embarrassed as fuck, I hear whoops and laughter from drunk assholes who will have to really fucking work to get my trust back, and the guy who I can't turn for is spanking me and is so goddamn intoxicated he's wobbling while he's on his knees. I wonder why he got so drunk. For fun? To go numb? What was he thinking?

I can't think for long, because the final slap on my abused ass is what breaks me. I holler out in pain and start to cry, hot tears running down my bright red cheeks. Ashley stops then, taking in my sniffling and crying and softly wiping away my tears like what just happened never happened at all.

My ass is sore and it burns and I am so, so, so mortified. I cry and Ashley is slurring something that is probably sweet and comforting. I can't really hear it, though, because I'm not really listening. I glare up at everyone through my tears, every last one of them. Jacky jumps, causing the fast asleep Andy to hit the floor with a thud. He just rolls over and keeps sleeping.

"He's all teary," Jacky says dumbly. Derek nods in agreement, looking stupid. I won't be looking at them the same for a while. I don't hold grudges, and already I kind of forgive them because they're drunk as fuck, they don't know, but I refuse to let it go. I can't let it be okay. I'm hurt and embarrassed and they need to know.

Even the lovely, amazing, can't-do-anything-wrong-but-did-a-lot-fucking-wrong-tonight Ashley Purdy.

"You okay, Kelly?" Mike asks, sounding all light and idiotic. There's no way in Hell I'm okay.  
"No," I spit in the middle of crying. Ashley still tries to wipe my tears with his thumbs, brushing some of my hair out of my face. He's being all soft and caring and I just keep on with the theatrics because I'm exposed and I don't like this, not at all. Did I earn this because I'm a flirt? Because I'm in love with someone who I, when I admit it to myself, will never have a chance with? Fuck me.

I look up at Ashley through my blurry vision and he's still looking lost, but a little more focused than before. He's nowhere near sober, but right now, he looks like the Ashley I've totally fallen for, so I rest my head on his shoulder and sniffle and hiccup away. He even starts rubbing my back. I forgive way too easily, but it doesn't mean I forget. Should that be the case with Ashley?

God, what the hell even happened just now?


	5. why?

I woke up with a spliting headache. I drank too much again, and I've got a really bad hang over. Why must I drink so much?

I know why, and the only people who knows is me and Ryan. Ryan better keep his mouth shut. I'm suppose to be straight, not a gay guy. I'm suppose to be a guy who loves to eat out girls, not suck dicks. Oh god. What has gotten into me? He's just so perfect, even though he's annoyingly cocky. Mike fucking Fuentes.

I just love everything about him! His eyes, his personality, except for his cockiness, his long hair, his nice ass, and... and just everything.

I sound like a despriate house wife of Warped tour. Can't I just wish apon a star, and magicly these feelings go away.

***  
I decide to go for a walk, and Jacky wants to come along. I let him since he's like my best friend. It's no biggie though, but first, I have to take care of Mr. Willie.

I go into the bathroom, and I take care of Mr. Willie if you know what I mean. I wash my hands, and I went out there so me and Jacky could go for our walk.

“Hey Ronnie." Jacky says as we head out of the bus. I didn't know what to say if he was going to ask me who I like. “Yes Jacky?" I answered, he gave me a look that says 'I know dumbass' and I hope he really doesn't know.

“So I was talking to Ryan... and he told me something." he admits and I almost faint. I can't believe Ryan!

“What did he tell you?" I ask, staying calm even though I want to scream and shout. I have to stay calm.

“That you like Mike Fuentes." he says, and I get pissed. How could Ryan tell him? That little bitch!

“Yea. It's true. Please don't tell anyone." I say hoping that I can actually trust him.

“Why would I? It's not my place to tell anyone! I'm your best friend, I wouldn't tell anyone! I'll tell you who I like if you want." he says and I smile as I nod.

“I like.... Vic Fuentes. But he's straight." Jacky admits, and I give him a huge hug. This is why he's my best friend. He can trust me, and I can trust him.


	6. headaches

I wake up to a pounding headache and my legs tangled up with CC’s. I groan and try and kick him the fuck away from me, but he just makes this weird noise and whines and keeps his legs right where they are, continuing to sleep. Stupid bastard. I try and free my legs from this trap and finally, finally, he moves the hell away, turning over and drawing his knees to his bare chest. God. I get to my feet, staggering a little. The only thing I’m grateful for right now is that I’m not throwing up everywhere. My hangover isn't the best, considering the small stream of light coming through the curtains is bugging me, but at least I'm not sick, which means an aspirin or two will kick this headache away and I’ll be just fine.

Everyone else on the bus is passed out and it’s hilarious. Derek is upside down on the couch, his legs hanging over the top and his arms stretched. Andy honestly looks dead, his hands folded over his chest and his body all straight and still. It creeps me the hell out, so I nudge him until he turns onto his stomach, spreading his arms out. Much better. Ashley is leaning against the wall near the door of the bus, hair falling in his face. He’s blowing it out of his face every time he breathes. It’s funny. Then there’s Jake and Jinxx, all curled up next to each other and looking such a cute couple. Or kittens. Weird kittens.

I step over everyone, stretching my arms high above my head. I hardly remember what happened last night, but it’s probably going to hit me later. Considering there is no on this bus I’m interested in, I know I probably didn’t get laid. That sucks, but hey, I got all tour, so. I take a soda from the boys’ fridge and go back to the couch, nudging Derek over and unintentionally making him fall and hit the floor. It’s funny as shit, so I laugh, because that’s what humor is for. He hits Andy’s legs, and Andy jerks forward, waking up immediately. He narrows his eyes at Derek, who is waking up way slower, and for a minute, I swear he’s about to pounce on the poor guy. But no, something else grabs Andy’s attention, like it always does, and he goes over to CC and starts poking at him.

I decide that I should probably get out of here before everyone wakes up, so I step over Andy again and head out of the door, nearly tripping over Ashley. If these people would sleep in bunks like they're supposed to, I wouldn't have to maneuver around anyone, but I'm outside now, so who cares.

The sun is bright as all hell, nearly blinding me. I pull my sunglasses out of my pocket and slip them on and laugh because Vic always says I'm an idiot for carrying around sunglasses. Fuck you, look at me now. I'm a genius, that's what I am. I get back to my bus in about fifteen minutes, slowed down considerably because of my throbbing head. I fish for my keys in my pocket and I had no idea this shit was so deep, but I find them eventually and it takes a little bit to actually unlock the door because I nearly drop the pieces of shit three times.

I make it, though.

When I make it in, Tony seems to be the only one up. I can see Jaime's arm sticking out of its bunk and Vic is curled up on the couch, pillow and everything.

"Hey, Mikey," Tony says, getting a PopTart out of one of the cabinets. I never know which one, Vic always gets it for me. "Where'd you stay last night?"  
"Uh, BVB's bus, I think. They were all in there, with like, two stray guys, so I assume it was theirs."

He nods and throws me a PopTart, too, which I nearly drop because my head hurts way too much to let me be totally coordinated. It doesn't hit the ground, though, so I think I've done well so far. He starts to head in the back and I stop him, asking, "Hey, Tone, can you bring me an aspirin or, like, six?"  
"Hangover?" he asks, walking and talking. He stops to push Jaime's limp arm back in his bunk before continuing to hopefully get what I need.  
"Yeah. Head's killing me."  
"Get sick yet?"  
"Nah. Don't think it's that bad, thank God."

Tony returns with a packet of two aspirin and a bottle of water, patting my head and telling me to feel better. He retreats into his bunk and then I'm all alone. Everyone is sleeping or hiding, but I don't feel like going outside again, not yet. I climb onto the couch, trying my best not to step on my brother's limbs. I lie behind him, my side against his back, and get comfortable, closing my eyes behind my shades and falling back into a peaceful sleep.

|&|&|

We have thirty minutes to showtime and we have to set up our own shit again. I hate Jaime for even starting the bet with our roadies, and then he loses? Fucker. We're stuck setting up ourselves for two weeks, goddammit. This is impossible.

I stare at the foreign wires and shrug, hoping that I don't blow anything up as I start plugging things in. Don't wanna die just yet.

"Oh my God," Vic growls, wires tangled around his fingers. His free hand runs through his hair, lighter and wavier than my own, and he looks pretty pissed. It's funny. "Hey, Jaime, next time you make a bet, don't."  
"How was I supposed to know I'd lose?" Jaime sighs, probably tired of collecting shit from Vic and I for losing. Whatever. He brought it upon himself.  
"I dunno, just, next time? Don't."

Tony stays out of it, tucking that Star Wars-inspired braid of his behind his ear and hooking up his amp, plugging things in without a hitch. Good for him. I know how to hook up amps, too, but I don't fucking have any because I'm on drums, so I'm working on other, more annoying sound equipment. I'm literally plugging shit into shit. I dunno what the hell I'm doing.

Hope we don't die because of it.

After what feels like forever, we are all hooked up. Vic is wire-free, Jaime is bouncy, Tony is cool, and I'm existing. We're ready for a kickass performance in fourteen minutes. The stage is blocked off from the fans' eyes by a cover, so they can't see us. We didn't need to be embarrassed about our lack of technical knowledge.

I look over to the right of the stage and see Kellin dragging himself up the three or four steps, looking...ah, pretty bad. Wonder what happened? He makes eye contact with me and cringes slightly, looking away immediately. Okay. That wasn't weird at all.

He walks over to Vic, who of course asks what's wrong. Kellin shrugs, taking a seat on the floor and rubbing his arm, his eyes on the ground. I don't know what to make of that kid sometimes, I swear. First he's all flirty and silly and loud, then he's reserved and quiet. He's confusing, I'll give him that.

I have twelve minutes before showtime, so I get up and tell the guys I'll be back.

"You're cutting it really close, Mike," Jaime informs me, but it's hard to take him seriously because he's Jaime.  
"I know, relax. I'll be back. Calm your tits."

He frowns, folding his arms over his chest before turning his back on me, talking to Tony and letting me do whatever the hell I was planning on doing. I had no real plan. I just want to wander.

I leave the stage and walk around, staying close to fan-free areas. I love them, I do, but I'll have all the time to interact with them during and after the show. I take off my shades and stretch my arms out, weaving around buses during my walk. My casual stroll is stopped mid-step, though, because I walk smack dab into someone.

"Fuck," I snap, pretty glad I didn't fall and make myself look like an idiot.  
"Sorry, wasn't looking, my bad."

Damn sure was your bad.

I look up to see just who I walked into and nearly laugh. It's Ronnie, Ronnie with the little crush, Ronnie with the little crush on me. This, this is fucking great. He seems to just notice me, too, his eyes going just a little wider as he steps back. I just stuff my hands in my pocket and act nice and cool. There's no way he can know I know.

"Where ya headed to in such a rush, huh?" I ask, just smiling. He gives me an odd look, but it fades as he slides into normalcy. He doesn't suspect a thing.  
"I was gonna find Ryan. We kinda need to talk."

I wonder if Ryan's loud mouth spilled Ronnie's secret to the whole goddamn tour. I wouldn't be surprised, I really wouldn't.

"Oh, yeah? 'Bout what, band stuff?"

As I talk, I step closer and closer, but since he's distracted by keeping up the conversation, he doesn't notice a thing. What am oblivious man he is.

"Sorta. I just...really need to talk to him."  
"Talk to him or kill him? You seem a little tense, I mean."

I'm close enough now to rest one hand on his arm, which is tense, I'm not lying, and the other on his chest. I can feel his heart beating faster. I can't believe I have this effect on Ronnie fucking Radke. I must be pretty great to accomplish such a feat. He stiffens up, looks at me and he's no doubt wondering how rude it would be to push me away and leave. I lean close to his face, so close, and my eyes flicker down to his lips before going back to his own eyes. I know he saw that. That's what I wanted.

"I-I mean I'm, he just..."  
"Just calm down, Ronnie, I'm sure it's not that bad." While I'm speaking, my hands slide down, one taking his hand and one leaving his chest and traveling downwards, down, down, and stopping at his waistband.

Then I take a step back, my hands leaving him completely, and smirk.

"Well, hope it works out. I gotta hit the stage. See ya, Ronnie."

As I'm walking away, I can hear him mumbling profanities and I shake my head, waiting until I'm a little further away to laugh. There's a little voice in the back of to head telling me that what I did was an asshole move, because it served no other purpose than to lead him on. Fuck it, I was only having a little fun. Ronnie didn't take it seriously, I'm sure.

"Where'd you go?" Vic asks when I get back. I shrug, snatching up my drumsticks from the ground.  
"Nowhere. Just walking around, ran into Ronnie."

Tony gives me a warning glance when he hears that, but I wave him off. I don't know what he's worried about. I'm not gonna tell anyone about Ronnie's little crush. Not unless I feel like I just have to.

Kidding.

I'm not using my knowledge to my advantage, either, so it's all fine to have just a little fun.

We have five minutes to go and everyone's warming up. Vic's humming and tuning his guitar again, as is Tony. Jaime is swinging his bass around, making sure it doesn't fly off the strap when he does it during the show. I'm not doing shit. Kellin's humming, too, though he doesn't come in for a little while.

Speaking of Kellin, he still looks like shit. He looks like he didn't sleep at all, his hair isn't nice and neat like it always is, his shirt is crooked and his pants are slowly sliding off of his ass. He hardly spent time putting himself together today. I walk over to him and tap his shoulder.

"What's wrong with you?"

He turns and looks me up and down before asking, "You don't remember what happened last night?"  
"Uh, no. Did we fuck?"

He rolls his eyes and says, "No. Never mind, it's not important. I'm just being stupid." He sighs and nudges me back to my drums, glancing down at his shirt and twisting it a little so it straightens out some and he isn't so sloppy looking. "Go get ready, it's almost time."  
"What'd I do?" I ask as I walk over to my drumkit. I'm curious; why else would he ask me if I remembered last night?  
"You didn't do anything, just get ready."  
"You sure?"  
"Swear."

Okay. Whatever's going on clearly has nothing to do with me, so I'll just chalk it up to a bad day until I see evidence that proves me wrong. Better than bugging him about it incessantly like Vic.

Stay out of it until it involves me, that's how I live, and it works damn good.

I have yet to be proven wrong.


	7. what did i do?

Ronnie  
Who the does he think he is? I should beat his ass, I swear. Mike is sexy, and all, but no. He cannot do this to me. Ronnie Radke. I am not going to stand for this anymore. I'm going to end up bending over for him before anything else, and it's only because he's so. Fucking. Difficult. I swear he is. Wait, wait a minute. Oh my god, I swear to fucking fuck if Ryan ran his mouth to Mike, I'm going to be punching him in the face so hard, he'll never know what hit him. He probably did, and that's why Mike's cocky ass is acting like this. Great! So long for a 'secret' crush! Thank you Ryan, I love you too.

Okay, so people think I'm a top, but I'm not a top at all. Especially when it comes to Mike, I can't top at all. It's okay, because I like being a bottom, and I bet if Mike was gay, he'd be a top for sure. That's awesome, because I have a plan to seduce him, and I know it'll work for sure. What I'm going to do, tonight, I'm going to spill beer on his lap. Then I'm going to wipe it up, and the rest will be smooth sailing. It'll work, I just know it, and no one will know except for Mike. It must work, and that's because... well... I'm Ronnie Radke, and I always get what I want. Well, except... except Mike Fuentes but I will tonight. No one will stop me. Not even god can stop me. I'm that powerful (yeah, just kidding. Sorry god). I just, I am in love with him, I have been ever since I met him.

It's just, he's fucking gorgeous, and even though he acts like a cocky prick, he's still my crush. I just want him to myself, even though he's straight... he won't be after tonight. Our set is going to be in an hour, I better get ready.

|·|·|·|

Ashley's pov  
What did I do? I did something last night, but I don't know what the hell I did. I know I did something, and it was something stupid because I was shit faced drunk, and when I'm shit faced drunk, I do stupid stuff. I hope I didn't do anything to anyone, because that's what I think I did. Maybe I slept with someone? I did wake up in the Falling In Reverse bus, so I probably poured my drink on someone. Yeah, that's what I did. That's for sure what I did, so I shouldn't be that worried about it.

|·|·|·|

Ronnie's pov  
So it's our, set. The music has started playing, and for once I'm nervous. I look at to the left, and Mike is standing there with a fucking smirk on his face. That fucking asshole, and he knows it too. How dare he come to my set, and acting like he knows something. I bet you he does know something.

Sexy please text me, I'm ready for you

I'm singing and dancing around on the big stage, and it feels good. I decide to take my shirt off, and I'm dancing provocative. I catch a glimpse of Mike, and it looks like he's intrigued. I love it. He's under my control right now.

|·|·|·|

Once our set is done, I tell the crowd it was a pleasure performing for them. They started chanting 'Fadke' what ever the Hell that is? I have no clue, but hopefully it's something good.

|·|·|·|

As I got ready for this party, I put on briefs and basketball shorts on. This was all part of my plan, and it's going to work. I just know it.


End file.
